The Art of the Protest

I usually dismiss the sentiment "They don't make them like they used to" as the ramblings of someone whose time has passed them by. However, walking in front of the New Hampshire State House on a near daily basis, I can truly say without reservation that some truths have become self evident - they just don't make protests like they used to.

Sure, there's fire in the belly and passion in the voice, but where's the theatricality? In an age when you can attend a protest on virtually any street corner or city square in the U.S., protest watchers have a number of different options when it comes to decide where to spend their time. However, it's all too often like Springsteen reminded us, "57 channels and nothing on."

There are protests for cuts in essential services, protests for the myriad armed conflicts we find ourselves embroiled in and protests for the eating of veal (I had an extra cutlet that night and it was damned tasty). If you can argue about it, a seed of a protest can be planted. But please, if you're planning a protest of any sort, be sure to ensure that these essential pieces of the puzzle are in place so that your special act of defiance doesn't result in one of the duds that I've witnessed over the last year.

1. Molotov Cocktails - this is a deal breaker for me. Along with a tear gas and rubber bullet response from law enforcement, a perfectly thrown Molotov cocktail is the protest equivalent of a Tom Brady to Wes Welker long distance connection. With its origins in, of all places Finland, this ATF nightmare has kept the National Guard and innocent bystanders dancing a split legged jig for over 70 years.

2. Witty Chants - Who could ever forget the famous "Reagan/Haig, you can't hide, we charge you with genocide!," "Spread the love, end the hate, down with Proposition 8" or my all time favorite "Keep your rosaries off my ovaries." Even those of us without ovaries had a good chuckle at that one.

3. Righteous Indignation - What's a good protest without a shaking fist, a bellowing voice and endless repetition of the following words and phrases: "unconscionable," "most vulnerable members of society," "eliminating the safety net," "attack on social freedoms" and "ignoring the silent majority." 

4. Fashion - Well prepared protesters decide on a unifying color and stick with it while the fly by nighters either look like a rag tag band of burnouts hoping for a Jerry Garcia resurrection or the 2 a.m. crowd outside the Red Arrow. The fashionable protester always accessorizes with a beret, scarf or winter hat with a pom pom.....even in August. The notable exception are the Northern Pass protesters who opted for prison orange, leading State House passersby to wonder whether a work release chain gang had been enlisted to pick up cigarette butts leading up to the State Capitol.

5. Looting - Having been caught up in near riots in Ohio (at an Insane Clown Posse show) and Toronto (It was New Year's Eve so why not turn up the aggression meter?), I can tell you that people will never neglect an opportunity to get something for free. Whether it's a flat screen tv, prescription drugs or frozen fish sticks, if the price is free, there's alway a taker.

6. A Charismatic Leader - Whether it's the Reverend Al Sharpton, Che Guevera or Abbie Hoffman, protests all demand a leader with a golden tongue, an ability to mobilize thousands and a fierce oratorial style. Unfortunately, in the Granite State, we are lacking in star power and most protest leaders either look like the guy behind the meat counter at Shaw's or the woman who yells too loud at her kid's soccer game. 

Bear in mind that this is just a starter's kit for organizing and participating in a good protester. Surely there are more tools of the trade to be explored such as creating the perfect effigy, coordinating bathroom breaks during a sit down strike and organizing a late night break-in to steal a set of crucial files. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that you need to be the chief rabble rouser or be the first person to chain himself to a fence at Seabrook. We all protest at differing levels of intensity and at our own pace. But whatever you do, don't get left out. There are just too many bottles to be thrown, cars to overturn and tanks to stand in front of. It's our fundamental right as American citizens to be the loudest and proudest group of rebels without a clue in our pursuit of something that we're probably not even entitled to in the first place.

Steve Boucher will not throw a rock through a window or pitch a gasoline soaked rag at the authorities- he will however shout "Sic Semper Tyrannis" with or without the use of a bullhorn.